By Tammi C. Walker
I was going to find me a man. Yes I was. It was 1999, my Dad had just passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was devastated. My Dad was the glue or the nucleus for our family. Well to add insult to injury, I was having serious issues in my marriage. What do I do? Upon my Dad’s passing that was the final straw for me. No more abuse, I am leaving and I told him so. Also I did in fact leave. Well in my mind, this was freedom for me. Life was going to be great in a couple of years after I put this divorce behind me, I was going to have me a great man yes I was and get re-married. But the problem was I went about it all wrong. It became my focal point, almost turned into an obsession, a full-time job. I never had much trouble meeting men, I do believe I am outgoing and personable. But, sometimes depending on where you are you can attract the wrong type of guy or you attract who you are.
Men are quite smart and so are women. We know desperation when we smell it just like we know confidence, bitterness, etc. I was truly displaying bitterness. Once the relationships did take off I was not happy. God forbid if the guy did not meet up to my standards. I really wanted consistency and well some guys just did not want to offer me that and it was war! I was going to “make” them. Well once one relationship failed, I was on to the next one. It became a vicious cycle and I was on this roller coaster that I could not get off of. Most unfortunately for me, it went on and on and on for years. I want to save you some time. Don’t be like me and waste years on a merry-go-round to nowhere. R-E-L-A-X and date. I will leave you some tips that I came to realize after years of trying to force relationships:
1. Rest easy with yourself and do not attach yourself to an outcome. Go on your date, you smile and be positive. If it is just one date so be it. If it goes on further hey that is great to. Show up be the best you and do not attach yourself to the outcome.
2. Do not over talk at the date telling the man or woman everything you want to do over the next 40 years. Be yourself and authentic. At times when we are nervous we tend to ramble and be kind of chatty. Just relax. Breathe and relax. It is honestly nothing to be nervous over. You are just out on a date trying to get to know someone a little better. It is all good.
3. Please don’t speak negativity to your friends, family or to yourself. Saying thing such as “there are no good men out here”. “I will never meet anyone”. There is great power in words and you are what you think. I live in the Chicagoland are. There are 2.7 million people in Chicago. I knew I would find me a great guy or he would find me and I did. I believe the same for you.
4. Get busy, get dizzy and even busier. Do not feel sorry for yourself, get out of that house. Go to a knitting class (I am being silly here) go wine tasting, volunteering, learn to salsa dance, join a book club, take an acting class, join a gym, do something but please do it now. Be so busy that all you all you can do is rise and shine, get your work out on, eat your breakfast and go to work. But wait, after work, you are on your way to? You got it your salsa class. GET BUSY!
5. Expect the best because that is what you will get! Improve whatever you need to, your look, hair, skin, etc. Make yourself the best you that you can be!
All is well for you. I believe in you. It happened for me and it can happen for you.