Insecurities – both old ones developed in our past and new ones from uncertainties within our present lives – can be very destructive in romantic relationships. Instead of ignoring the past, or dragging our old issues into our future, we should learn to look honestly at them together, learn from them, and let them go. Insecurities that are not dealt with head-on can eventually destroy a relationship, because they can create a fragile foundation of loss instead of a strong foundation of communication.
There are a number of things to remember, to prevent insecurities from undermining a relationship:
- People in healthy relationships communicate and share their sensitive issues – even the painful parts of past relationships or mistakes they have made. This can help each person understand and avoid some of the things that may trigger their partner’s insecurities.
- Insecurities feed on lies, secrets, and evasiveness (lies by omission). These kinds of behaviors will cause your partner to distrust you even when you are being truthful. Instead, tell the truth and tell it fast. Mature people – who are loving, honorable, and respectful – have no need to lie.
- When you are wrong, apologize. Don’t stubbornly try to rationalize what you have done wrong, just admit to it and apologize sincerely. Failure to apologize when you have wronged the important people in your life will cause them to question the friendship, respect, and compassion you hold for them.
- Everyone gets angry or frustrated at times, but if you feel the desire to say something hurtful, take a step back and cool down before you say something that will make things worse. Words said in anger are often the seeds of insecurities that can destroy a relationship.
Healthy relationships are built upon honest communication. When insecurities arise, remember to acknowledge them, admit to wrongdoing, accept responsibility, and then let it go so you can move on to a stronger relationship in the future.