How to Move on When You’ve Been Hurt

How to Move on When You’ve Been Hurt

Many people, both men and women sometimes in the quiet of their minds sit and ponder over why they are having such a hard time finding a life mate. And while the answers to that question may be very complex in some cases and very simple in others, I’m sure many of us can roll up our sleeves or pant legs or shirts and point to all the war wounds that we have received as a result of opening our hearts to love and romance. Many can share countless stories on how Tyrone or Freddie has hurt them or how Lucinda is a lune and just damn crazy and no woman is worthy to be trusted.

The truth is countless people, hold on to the pain, and struggle to realize that their romance war is over and now it is time to heal from the trauma and begin living life again and experiencing love the way it was meant to be experienced. If you are finding it difficult to move on with your life after a painful love battle, I want to really speak to you here.

Transformation takes work. It takes work because the one who is going through a transformation is literally going through a process of becoming new. They are changing their shape and the way that they are overall. Now a life transformation process is like getting into a gym and getting your body in shape. When you seek to change your form, you take an assessment of where you are and then strategically go to work to address those areas that caused you to be “out of shape.” You may have really great biceps, but your thighs are flabby; or your legs might be weak, while your arms are strong so you design a program to really target those weak areas while working to maintain those areas that are already strong.

As you go through the process, you may want to tighten up your thighs yet, squats are not the way to do it for you because your knees are weak. So the question is, “Do you choose not to focus on the thighs or do you find another exercise that will render you the same results?”

See, a person who is serious about a full-body transformation will do one of three things.

  1. They will do the squats while using a method to support the knees; or
  1. They will add an additional exercise designed to strengthen the knees, and slowly move into the squats; or
  1. They will find an alternative that will render the same outcome – thighs that are in shape.

However, what is not an option is to not go through the process and/or turn away from the struggle to get the thighs in shape. In shape thighs is the ultimate outcome, regardless of the tools or method used to get the end result, the exercising of the thighs remains the process to thighs being in shape. There are many tools that will help you to achieve that outcome. And a personal trainer may use a combination of those tools to help you achieve that outcome. But what a personal trainer will not do is ignore your thighs being out of shape or give you an out to not deal with that area.

So now, when a person sets out to change their life, and they make the decision to “get in shape” emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and otherwise, regardless as to the “areas of concern or weakness” making a life transformation and evolving into your best self requires the process of exposing some things about self that you may or may not know is buried down inside you and the humility to acknowledge the truth, the courage to face your own personal demons, and the strength and stick-to-it attitude to overcome them.

In the case of a person physically changing shape, they have to first of all acknowledge that their thighs are out of shape, they have to face the fact that the sugar donuts at midnight every night is what contributed to those thighs getting the way they are along with couch potato behavior and the over intake of carbs and simple sugars, and they also have to gain the strength to get off the couch and into the gym to start the process and then the willingness to stick-to-it no matter hard it is to get through it. Ultimately they get through it and when they do; their lives are never the same.

The two biggest enemies to life and relationship transformation are False Pride and Fear. Before you can experience the other side of your transformation process, you have to face off with False Pride and Fear and these two deadly warriors are something to reckon with. See False Pride is able to hijack a space when Bitterness and Resentment sneaks in because Pain wasn’t addressed. Fear creeps in when Pain is neglected. And before you know it you have all these people in your house that it starts to look like the Aching Heart SynDrome.

So, to move forward on your life and relationship journey, you have to clean your house so that instead of it being a Cave of Confusion, it takes on the shape and form of a Flowing River of Abundance.

  1. Make a firm decision to transform your life.
  1. Prepare by opening your heart and mind to accept the challenge no matter how difficult it might be.
  1. Focus on YOUR part of an issue and the part YOU played in a particular outcome.
  1. Acknowledge the truth. Don’t deny the truth.
  1. Admit it if you are afraid, face fear and understand that it is only False, Evidence Appearing Real.
  1. Uproot False Pride which is only the pretense to take Personal Responsibility In Delivering Excellence. Demonstrate Real Pride through an understanding that Personal Recovery Involves Defeating Ego.
  1. Go through the process. Don’t stop until you reach your goal!

So…NO MORE EXCUSES! It’s time to heal your pain and transform your life.

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About Atiya

Atiya is the author of From Ordinary to Extraordinary and founder of The Marriage Tree. Over the past 20 years, she has dedicated her life to honing her craft and, indeed, her calling – to empower, build and maximize human potential by affecting profound transformation in people’s attitudes, perspectives and behaviors.