Men and women. They need each other, complement one another, and yet are so different from each other. As one relationship expert puts it, all the miscommunication that happens makes it appear sometimes that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Men and women also have different energies, although today they sometimes seem to overlap. Men are naturally governed by masculine energy, but sometimes they have a nurturing, ‘softer,’ side to them. While women have a more feminine side, sometimes the more successful among us tend to grab the bull by the horns, take over, and tap into our masculine side.
Our energies are wired into our DNA, the way we think, feel, and move. Masculine energies have more to do with power. Men have to show that they have power, that’s what makes them men. They want to take control of companies, women, situations, and whatever is around them, to prove that they have a strength that other men don’t have. They use logic and they are very decisive. They also pursue their objectives aggressively.
Feminine energies are found at the opposite side of the spectrum. Women tend to be more emotional and intuitive. Because we intrinsically value relationships, we tend to be more nurturing of the people around us. We want to collaborate and connect unlike our men who find a thrill in competing and winning.
So why do some women develop so much masculine energy?
Over the years, I have worked with many women who have a great deal of masculine energy, and I have observed a strong connection between masculine energy on one hand, and childhood trauma, abuse or emotional wounding of some sort on the other. This emotional conditioning has contributed to women building protective walls and developing masculine energy.
I believe this happens because physical or emotional painful memories from your past generally serve as a protection by activating your automatic defense system (ADS). When you are unconsciously triggered, you exude this energy: Move out of the way because here enters the drama queen! Your dukes are up and you are ready to knock someone out, whoever it was who unknowingly pushed the wrong freaking button and set you off. After the cloud of drama subsides, you are usually left wondering, what in the world just happened and why did I lose it?
Here’s the real deal! You lost it, because the current situation seemed very familiar to the trauma from your past . Because you are still “hyper-sensitive” to that situation, the current stimulus or situation triggered you, and you subconsciously started protecting or defending yourself as if that “past” situation was reoccurring.
Because that childhood trauma was so painful, you are subconsciously unable to even imagine the possibility of subjecting yourself to that type of pain again. Therefore you go to the extremes to protect yourself at the first sign of even a minor threat of danger.
If you are having difficulty understanding the connection and impact of your abusive past with your current relationship, this will ultimately make your journey to get your Mr. Right a difficult one. Because you will mostly likely repeatedly attract men who unconsciously resonate with your painful past.
You will do this by attracting these types of men: emotionally unavailable cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
Once you get him, the project begins, you consciously try to fix them, but subconsciously you are trying to fix yourself. Many women don’t ever make this connection and therefore never attract a high-quality relationship- ready man.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Were your parents overly critical? – Then you may find it hard to handle even healthy criticism.
- Were you were abandoned by your parents or a caregiver? – Then you may have trouble committing to a healthy and available man.
- Were you were sexually abused by a parent or relative? – Then you may feel a sense of revulsion when your partner is sexually aroused.
- Did your parents betray you? – Then you will have a hard time trusting others.
- Was your mom a doormat? – Then you may have issues allowing a man to lead.
- So how can you stop spiraling down to the pain from your past when you are feeling flooded or overwhelmed with emotions?
The overly simplified answer is:
Stop dating broken men and bring the focus back onto yourself.
Stop focusing on the past pain and your “poor me” story and become intentional about focusing on the present.
This may seem impossible at first. However by getting the needed support, you will heal and recondition your mind.
This process is actually similar to the process we go through when our loved one dies. At first the pain is simply unbearable. However over time we are able to replace the horrible day of death with beautiful memories, love, gratitude, and purpose.
Always remember, you are not alone and it’s never too late to unleash your feminine powers!