Waiting To Have Sex

There are many single Black women who are not married and are just fine at being single and have decided to remain single in this season of their life. This article is not for you! However, then, there are Black women who are single, who really do not choose to be and deep down want to be married and have not figured out why they are not meeting that special someone or why that someone presently in their life doesn’t seem to be ready to take the relationship to the next level. Listen up! In this article I want to address the whole abstinence or celibacy issue to hopefully bring about clarity as to why it is a critical step in the process of building a healthy relationship moving toward marriage. In my work as a marriage strategist, one of the first things I share with women in particular who wants to be in a relationship leading to marriage is to abstain from sex during the process. Often, people who misunderstand the science of this automatically think that it is because of a projection of “religious” beliefs. So let me be very clear on that point. First, I don’t do religion. As a matter of fact as a person and a professional I abhor it. Religious dogma has been used as a tool to establish a human hierarchy perpetuating superior and inferiority complexes. Second, there is a very real difference between religion and spirituality. It is the latter in which I operate in, in all areas of my life both personal and professional. What many may not be aware of is that I bring another component to my work as a marriage strategist. I bring certain gifts to the table that helps me to more effectively help those who I work with formally or informally. It is important for me to discuss that here because it is from this premise I want to delve into the whole issue of celibacy as a tool in building healthy relationships moving toward marriage. Some people recognize me as a “spiritual guide.” Others use the terms telepath, highly sensitive person, intuitive healer, or light worker. The truth is I’m Clairaudient, Clairsentient, and Clairvoyant. This is relevant because the basis of my work is from the energetic and intuitive level otherwise metaphysical level. Therefore, when I discuss the issue of abstaining from sex in sifting through relationships, I’m coming from a place of the impact on an energetic level. So now let’s talk! In life, people have many types of relationships where energetic cords of attachments are created. When these cords are rooted in love a positive cord is created. However, when the cord is rooted in pain or trauma, a negative cord of attachment is created and it is in this way toxic relationships are established. One of the most powerful energies that can be shared between people is sexual energy. When two people share in sexual energy they create deep energetic cords that has a profound impact emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Energetic cords are lines of light which connect one person’s energy center to another’s. Cords allow for communication between two bodies and the sharing of energy. While sometimes cords can be positive and beneficial, often they are negative, counterproductive and draining. Sex links aural energies together. Regardless of how meaningless or casual the connection appears to be, on an energetic level there is a profound occurrence happening, especially when sex is involved; and the more you engage in sexual activity with a person the deeper that connection becomes and the more the two auras become linked or intertwined. This is not to say that sex is “bad” outside of the context of marriage. It comes with consequences. When people are seeking relationships that lead to marriage, during the process they may meet many different types of people. Some they may decide to share sex with, others they may not. Along the way some people learn that the person they are engaging with is not “the one” or the person that they can foresee themselves spending their life with, so they ultimately break off the relationship. I encourage people who are seeking marriage, to abstain from sex so that they can explore the relationship without creating deep cords of attachment. If you do not have the intentions of creating a lasting relationship with the person, then it is important not to engage in that type of intimacy because to do so makes it possible for you to do exactly what you did not intend to do—create a lasting connection. Although a physical relationship with someone may end, there is still dross that is left behind. This dross is the energetic cords. In other words, whatever is in the energetic field or aura of the other person becomes entangled with your aura or energetic field. This includes unresolved emotions, thoughts, vibrations, etc. Some symptoms of cords of attachments are: • Toxic relationships • Financial or career blocks • Unclear purpose • Low energy or energy drain • Negative thoughts and emotions • Attracting the same type of negative characteristics in a person • Depression • Trauma When working with people, some of the things we work on are cutting negative cords of attachments that exist that were either created from the exchange of sexual energy and/or from other relationships that existed throughout their life. Removing sex from the equation when seeking a marital relationship, helps one to more effectively cut old cords of attachment, while preventing new ones from being created. It allows for a person, who when they actually meet “the one,” to not carry unresolved issues, otherwise known as “drama” to the marriage bed. The clearer a person is when arriving to the relationship table, the healthier their relationship will be.

There are many single Black women who are not married and are just fine at being single and have decided to remain single in this season of their life. This article is not for you! However, then, there are Black women who are single, who really do not choose to be and deep down want to be married and have not figured out why they are not meeting that special someone or why that someone presently in their life doesn’t seem to be ready to take the relationship to the next level. Listen up!

 

In this article I want to address the whole abstinence or celibacy issue to hopefully bring about clarity as to why it is a critical step in the process of building a healthy relationship moving toward marriage. In my work as a marriage strategist, one of the first things I share with women in particular who wants to be in a relationship leading to marriage is to abstain from sex during the process. Often, people who misunderstand the science of this automatically think that it is because of a projection of “religious” beliefs. So let me be very clear on that point. First, I don’t do religion. As a matter of fact as a person and a professional I abhor it. Religious dogma has been used as a tool to establish a human hierarchy perpetuating superior and inferiority complexes. Second, there is a very real difference between religion and spirituality. It is the latter in which I operate in, in all areas of my life both personal and professional.

 

What many may not be aware of is that I bring another component to my work as a marriage strategist. I bring certain gifts to the table that helps me to more effectively help those who I work with formally or informally. It is important for me to discuss that here because it is from this premise I want to delve into the whole issue of celibacy as a tool in building healthy relationships moving toward marriage. Some people recognize me as a “spiritual guide.” Others use the terms telepath, highly sensitive person, intuitive healer, or light worker. The truth is I’m Clairaudient, Clairsentient, and Clairvoyant. This is relevant because the basis of my work is from the energetic and intuitive level otherwise metaphysical level. Therefore, when I discuss the issue of abstaining from sex in sifting through relationships, I’m coming from a place of the impact on an energetic level. So now let’s talk!

Waiting To Have Sex

In life, people have many types of relationships where energetic cords of attachments are created. When these cords are rooted in love a positive cord is created. However, when the cord is rooted in pain or trauma, a negative cord of attachment is created and it is in this way toxic relationships are established. One of the most powerful energies that can be shared between people is sexual energy.  When two people share in sexual energy they create deep energetic cords that has a profound impact emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Energetic cords are lines of light which connect one person’s energy center to another’s. Cords allow for communication between two bodies and the sharing of energy. While sometimes cords can be positive and beneficial, often they are negative, counterproductive and draining. Sex links aural energies together. Regardless of how meaningless or casual the connection appears to be, on an energetic level there is a profound occurrence happening, especially when sex is involved; and the more you engage in sexual activity with a person the deeper that connection becomes and the more the two auras become linked or intertwined. This is not to say that sex is “bad” outside of the context of marriage. It comes with consequences.

 

When people are seeking relationships that lead to marriage, during the process they may meet many different types of people. Some they may decide to share sex with, others they may not. Along the way some people learn that the person they are engaging with is not “the one” or the person that they can foresee themselves spending their life with, so they ultimately break off the relationship. I encourage people who are seeking marriage, to abstain from sex so that they can explore the relationship without creating deep cords of attachment. If you do not have the intentions of creating a lasting relationship with the person, then it is important not to engage in that type of intimacy because to do so makes it possible for you to do exactly what you did not intend to do—create a lasting connection. Although a physical relationship with someone may end, there is still dross that is left behind. This dross is the energetic cords. In other words, whatever is in the energetic field or aura of the other person becomes entangled with your aura or energetic field.  This includes unresolved emotions, thoughts, vibrations, etc.

 

Some symptoms of cords of attachments are:

 

  • Toxic relationships
  • Financial or career blocks
  • Unclear purpose
  • Low energy or energy drain
  • Negative thoughts and emotions
  • Attracting the same type of negative characteristics in a person
  • Depression
  • Trauma

 

When working with people, some of the things we work on are cutting negative cords of attachments that exist that were either created from the exchange of sexual energy and/or from other relationships that existed throughout their life. Removing sex from the equation when seeking a marital relationship, helps one to more effectively cut old cords of attachment, while preventing new ones from being created. It allows for a person, who when they actually meet “the one,” to not carry unresolved issues, otherwise known as “drama” to the marriage bed. The clearer a person is when arriving to the relationship table, the healthier their relationship will be.

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About Atiya

Atiya
Atiya is the author of From Ordinary to Extraordinary and founder of The Marriage Tree. Over the past 20 years, she has dedicated her life to honing her craft and, indeed, her calling – to empower, build and maximize human potential by affecting profound transformation in people’s attitudes, perspectives and behaviors.